Undecided

I've been thinking a lot about myself this week, my future, what I'm going to do career-wise, and what and where I want to be in the next few years. Thinking about reaching success sometimes pressures me. And the thought of not feeling accomplished 5 or 10 years down the road is depressing. But then I don't know what it is that I want to fulfill and what it is that will make me feel truly accomplished. Sometimes I dream of graduating from a good university in the US and later become a successful career woman, making big bucks, feeling a great sense of self-worth. But there are times that I think I should not postpone motherhood longer, that it's about time I start a family with my husband, that we are not getting any younger and at our age we should already have at least one child. I know that going to school would mean child bearing has to wait until I graduate.

I admire working women a lot especially those who climbed their way up to the top. But I'm also jealous of mothers who devote their time to their family. A hardworking dad coming home from work to his wife whose hair is messy from taking care of the house and the kids all day, and his naughty little kids racing to the door to greet him with kisses and hugs, and together they eat dinner then snuggle in the living room watching TV, is like picture-perfect to me.

Do I want to be called "Ma'am" or would I prefer "Mom" a few years from now? I need to decide soon.